Hesitancy At Its Best

A couple weeks ago, a close friend gave me a wake up call that was a little bit too early for my liking (he seems to think it's funny). He escaped the conversation without a scolding only because I hadn't heard from him in quite some time. But his wake up call did more than just wake me up in the literal sense, it also woke me up to the fact that my Semester at Sea journey IS happening and it is happening soon. For some reason, that realization sunk in after that conversation.

The thing about wake up calls is that they're disorienting at first. You tend not to remember how or when you answered the phone, or even how you're functioning in the conversation. So too did I feel this sensation with my wake up call from the Semester at Sea process. School had left me exhausted. I don't think I've ever done as many projects, papers, tests, and quizzes in one semester before and I had to do it all while preparing for this HUMONGOUS trip around the world. After getting YET another shot, emailing YET another person, staying up all night YET again, taking care of YET another administrative issue, I suddenly became numb to both school and preparing for Semester at Sea.

Going through the motions with something as huge as Semester at Sea is a little disheartening. You're doing the all the work for it, but you're not really involved in the process, not as excited as you should be. People enquiring about your upcoming experience receive half-hearted answers. I began to wonder, "Is this whole experience worth it?"

I tried to get out of this funk but finals week and moving out of my dorm took all the energy out of me. The funk continued when I reached my sister's house in Atlanta, the place where I'm spending my brief break before I set sail. But as my mom and brother were packing up to leave after spending the holidays together with my sister and I, it hit me. I realized that this would be the last time I would see them before I left for my trip, and that my mom is one of the people that has worked so incredibly hard to get me on the boat to experience parts of the world that she never has. Not only did this realization bring me to tears, but somehow it made Semester at Sea come to life again for me. I still have my doubts. I still have my fears and anxieties. But I know deep down that this experience will override all of those feelings, and there are plenty of family and friends that are excited for me, which in turn gets me pumped again for the journey I'm about to begin.

The alarm has gone off, and I'm awake to the possibilities of this fast approaching semester.